What is mindfulness?
At its core, mindfulness is the exquisite art of paying attention. At first blush, this may seem like a boring prospect. But if we dive deeper and explore a bit, we may notice some very interesting and curious things about mindfulness and how it can truly enhance the quality of everyone’s everyday lives.
One useful way of finding out what mindfulness is all about is to explore its polar opposite: “automatic pilot.” Here are few examples:
- You are driving down a highway. You realize 3 miles too late that you already passed your exit. You can’t recollect exactly what happened during those 3 miles, and you may be surprised you didn’t crash into other cars because you just don’t remember driving.
- A car cuts you off, and you immediately and quite automatically scream: “You $%7#ing $#@*#&!”
- You are talking to a friend, partner, or family member, and he or she is getting increasingly irritated that you can’t just focus on what he or she is saying. Your mind just keeps drifting. You might be able to repeat a few sentences of what he or she said, but you simply weren’t present.
- You are happily listening to your iPod or some other smart technology, and you almost get hit by car while crossing the street.
- These are just a few examples of being in autopilot mode, a mode of living that is more like a trance state than anything else. And no one is immune to it.
By trance I mean that we have “checked/zoned out” from the actual events or experiences of what is happening right here, right now. Instead, we might be caught up in our own thoughts, usually of the past or of the future. There is actually some new evidence that our minds, when not asked to do anything in particular (the “default mode”), gravitate 50% of the time toward what will be or what has been.
So what is so bad about planning our day, our week, or desperately needed vacation? What’s so harmful about remembering the past? Nothing inherently. But human beings spend A LOT of time in those two “places” or points in time, and this necessarily means that we are often not actually showing up, with full, vital presence, to the moments at hand.
When we truly show up and are present in the here and now, we learn so much more about the situation and our reactions to these situations and about the people we are with and our reactions to those people. And, as one larger Harvard-based study indicates, when we are present and fully engaged in what are doing at those moments (even if it is somewhat unpleasant), we are generally better off and happier in the long-run. It is actually when we are lost in the future or past or longing for some different version of the present moment that we suffer more greatly.
We will return in a moment to the attitude or mindset that best supports mindful presence, but let’s check out some common misconceptions first.
Misconceptions
Here are a few common misconceptions about mindfulness:
- It’s something really mysterious
- It’s part of some weird cult
- It’s some hyped-up fad that will probably lose favor like boy bands of the 90s
Clearing up those misconceptions
Mindfulness is actually quite simple and not very mysterious. It is certainly not derived from cult behavior (although some version of this concept is found in nearly every major religious, spiritual, and philosophical tradition). And because it’s been around for over 2500 years, no one has a “patent” on it, and its widely applicable for everything from being a better driver to having more fulfilling sex, it’s likely not going anywhere soon.
So what is mindfulness really and what are its supporting attitudes?
Mindfulness is the conscious act of paying attention, with intention, to the present moment(s), with acceptance.
- The conscious act of paying attention means that we knowingly (and with full “wakefulness”) direct our mental energy toward something (emotion, thought, person, scene, etc.).
- with intention means that we are deliberately and purposefully paying attention. It’s as if we had the preparatory thought “I intend to focus my attention on _______”. Without intention would mean that something simply caught our attention, and we focused on that object for however long without our express “consent” to do so.
- to the present moment(s) means that are are focusing our attention on the “here and now”, whether it be the anger we feel, our co-worker instructing us, a friend talking about his day, or the snow falling from the sky. In those moments, that’s all that’s happening. The rest is essentially byproduct or distraction from the past or projection about the future.
- with acceptance is tricky. This really means that we are intentionally paying attention to the present moment(s) with as much willingness to see as clearly as possible what is actually happening, not what we think is happening, not what we wish were happening, or not what we wish were not happening. It’s useful to think of acceptance as a reality and self-respect meter. To deny that you are actually feeling anger when you actually are would keep the reality meter pretty low and indicate that you are not necessarily respecting, at least in those moments, how you actually, truly feel. There are many reasons we all do this, and it is not an easy thing to shed. It takes practice and willingness.
There are many attitudes that help support mindful presence, or mindful awareness of the present moment. Here are several that Jon Kabat-Zinn (1990), one of the fathers of secular mindfulness and meditation in the West, has outlined:
- non-judging (having a curious rather than evaluative lens to view things)
- patience (trusting that things unfold in their own time)
- beginner’s mind (approaching life as if through the lens and spirit of a child)
- trust (having faith in your own experiences and intuitions)
- non-striving (not trying so hard to get somewhere or be something)
- acceptance (acknowledging the reality of what is, but not condoning “bad” behavior)
- non-attachment (not clinging to or grasping at ideas of how things should/n’t be)
Distractions that pull us away from mindful awareness of the present moment
There are several highly common and very human distractions (traditionally called “hindrances”) that can move the mind and body away from being fully present in the moment:
- greed/clinging/grasping (pursuing more; never satisfied; not letting go)
- aversion (pushing away experiences we just don’t like; feeling like things “shouldn’t be”)
- sleepiness (the unclear, fatigued, dull mental state that keeps us slowed down)
- restlessless (physical/mental agitation, mind is over-busy, just want to “do” something)
- doubt (avoiding effort for fear of negative consequence; discounting intuition/intentions)
Putting it all together
Let’s return to those automatic pilot examples from earlier to explore what a mindful approach to talking with your friend might look like. Your friend is talking about his vacation that he is planning. He is not just leaving town for 3 days, but he is going to Hawaii for 2 weeks. You have never been to Hawaii, and you never get time off from work like that! You have a daughter who is afraid of flying and no child care even if you could go on such a trip. You start to feel somewhat bitter, pretty resentful of your own boss, and jealous of your friend. And yet this all happens in the first 5 seconds of your friend’s excited pitch about his trip. You start daydreaming a bit about what a trip like that would be like. You are increasingly tuning out what your friend is saying even though you are nodding with some sort of a smile.
Your friend asks you for your opinion about one part of his trip, and you are jarred out of your daydream. Whoa! You didn’t realize how caught up in your own stuff you had been. You are not sure if your friend even knows you were “in your own head” and not really listening. You purposefully decide to take a deep breath and regroup. Although you feel pretty bad for what you were doing, you choose to characterize this as a common set of distractions that your mind placed in front of you. You choose now to let some of that “bad” feeling go and to redirect your attention to your friend. You choose to more fully engage while allowing yourself to feel whatever is it you might feel. And when you feel those feelings of jealousy, for example, you will silently label that feeling in your mind “there’s jealousy again, hmm” and try your best to put your full attention back on your friend and his excitement.
Consider what would happen if we brought this kind of mindful awareness to much of our lives. Life is hard, life is full of distractions, life is often not “fair.” And yet we have the capacity – the innate capacity – to intentionally direct our attention to the present moments with as much acceptance, curiosity, patience, non-judging, and non-attachment as we can. And this means that we consciously move our lives toward less constant stress, greater joy, and more opportunities to live a more fulfilling and vital life.
There are many types of meditation. Popular forms include:
- transcendental meditation (TM)
- mindfulness meditation (MM)
- centering prayer
Although other forms of meditation can be effective and well-suited for many, on this resource page we focus on MM for two main reasons:
- MM has received a mountain of positive evidence in the past decade for its effectiveness in helping people to decrease stress, manage chronic pain, prevent relapses of depression, reduce anxiety, reduce impulsive reactions, increase sustained attention and focus, increase regulation of unpleasant emotions, increase self-compassion and compassion for others, and increase one’s overall sense of well-being. This is quite the list, and researchers continue to explore the amazing benefits of MM.
- As I am trained in MM practices, this is where my depth of knowledge and practical experience is found. Thus, I feel much more comfortable providing information and practical resources for a form of meditation that I have practiced for over a decade and teach to others on a daily basis.
The concept of MM is actually quite simple but often quite challenging to put into practice. MM involves the formal practice of intentionally directing your mental attention to your experiences with acceptance (as well as openness, curiosity, precision, and kindness).
Common distractions during mindfulness meditation
There are several highly common and very human distractions (traditionally called “hindrances”) that can move the mind and body away from being fully present in the moments of meditation. These are to be identified, worked with calmly and patiently, and recognized for exactly what they are – the “human condition.”
- greed/clinging/grasping (pursuing more; never satisfied; not letting go)
- aversion (pushing away experiences we just don’t like; feeling like things “shouldn’t be”)
- sleepiness (the unclear, fatigued, dull mental state that keeps us slowed down)
- restlessness (physical/mental agitation, mind is over-busy, just want to “do” something)
- doubt (avoiding effort for fear of negative consequence; discounting intuition/intentions)
Stay tuned for more information on mindfulness meditation…
Stay tuned…
Stay tuned…
Stay tuned…
